I love this picture. Besides featuring one of my favorite flowers and colors, it sparkles and shimmers with newness and life and delicate hope. Very fitting for the move into the new year.
This first day of 2015 has been an over-busy one, but a good one. I haven’t had time yet for reflection, or for looking ahead, setting goals, dreaming. I hope to do that tomorrow, as my heart needs it, along with a new notebook (the paper kind). I am an old fashioned girl still in many ways, if paper is old-fashioned now. There is something about dreaming in writing in a beautiful notebook that nothing else can capture. As thankful as I am for our leaps and bounds in technology just in my lifetime, I hope we never lose touch with the things that matter from “the old days”.
I am going into this new year in some ways as blank a slate as the year. An equestrian accident last July left me with a spine injury and unemployed. A good doctor and physical therapist are getting me mobile again, but lifestyle changes are in order-and no, they don’t include giving up horses! Depression dogged my heels this past year, but does not feel to have crossed the threshold with me. I feel hopeful. Perhaps my lines of work will evolve and change, and I will embrace being a writer. Perhaps that and more will open before me. I have lived too much of my life in fear, and with regret. The first came through a combination of survival mechanisms and learned, forced behavior. The second often came due to the first, and to self punishment for it. I have four precious sons, all on the verge of manhood or stepping into it, that I must show a better way, and help through the processing of the pain they have endured, the behaviors they have learned. There is no greater challenge, or honor.
So those are initial musing on goals for 2015. I must re-invent myself to some degree…but honestly I expect that “re-inventing” to be more along the lines of becoming who I was created to be. I am a writer, an equestrian, a mother, not necessarily in that order. I love to learn, and will be embracing that more. I am a follower of Christ, and really loved my last job working in home with the elderly. I love to garden, to homestead, and to bake, though there is much yet I need to learn there, and to put into practice. I often wonder how it all fits together, or what needs to be set aside. Dreams caught in fragile bubbles….
The Time We Have Been Given 