It’s amazing how things can still kick the air out of your lungs, even after decades have passed. After you’ve been working on healing for a decade (well, almost). After you are back to “living a normal life”, whatever that is apart from putting on the mask day after day because you are, after all, an adult, and have responsibilities to tend to.

I haven’t had a television for years, decades actually. I’ve never been a big T.V. fan, though I do have the shows I like (NCIS, namely) and occasionally watch when I get the chance, or the DVD box set. I’m not familiar with Josh Dugger, although I have heard of the family with 19 kids. I’m still not clear if he’s one of them, or the dad of the tribe. Honestly, to me that doesn’t matter. Apparently, he’s been outed for molesting children. This article was on a friend’s page on FB and showed up in my newsfeed this morning-“In Faith Communities…”

Oh how accurate! I read another, that I can’t seem to find again, talking about how his “confession” has silenced the victims via charges of unforgiveness.

My first reaction? I wanted to put a boot, hard, in his face. After finding my breath again, I prefer Jesus’ idea–tie a millstone around his neck and drop him in the sea. There isn’t another sin, btw, that He was so vehement about. Only hurting children, only causing them to stumble. I have found no place else, no other thing mentioned, where He states that it would have been better for the perp not to have been born. Apparently, God takes child abuse seriously. Would to God we would.

I left the evangelical church because of the position taken on the subject of abuse. I do not think it is all evangelical churches, but it has been nearly all that I have encountered in my life. This is not something that you simply say “I forgive”, or go to an alter and say some words, or have hands laid on you, and it goes away. I am NOT espousing bitterness. Bitterness only keeps the victim in the position OF victim, keeping one from moving on to Survivor. Ms. Demuth hit the proverbial nail on the head, however. Forgiveness, healing from such deep wounds, wounds that tear your soul from you and shred it, takes time. Much time. It takes being given a voice, without judgement. It takes learning and knowing that what happened Matters, your pain is real and to be expected, and not something to deny or hide or pretend never happened. Such things do not stay under rugs well. If it is not faced in time, when one is able to, it will leak out into other areas of life. Bad decisions, self sabotage, hurtful relationships…I have done them all, and more.

I pray that there are ones trained who can help these young ones through the violent explosions in their souls that I know from experience are going on. I pray for Justice to be done, that Mr. Dugger feels the full weight of law. There is something wrong with a society that will give more prison time for having a joint in your pocket than for ripping the soul from another human and violating their very being. I don’t know what the laws are there….hopefully, they are harsher and stricter and more enforceable than in the states I have dealt with this crime in, where the perp has walked, every time, without even a smack on the hand. No matter what the laws are here though, there is One Who is Just, and whom all perps will have to stand before and give account of their actions. I can now almost pity them, knowing He is the One Who has stated “better to have not been born”. I don’t know what that translates to in divine justice, but I do believe they will, finally, understand the seriousness of the crime they committed.

If you have been there also, my thoughts and prayers are with you. There are those who care, who understand. For my child who has been there, one perp I could get some charges against, the other talked his way out of it as always…I am here, always, when you are ready. These things cannot be rushed, but also don’t try to sweep it away. You will know when it’s time to talk, and you are brave and strong enough to do so.

For those who are ready, I highly recommend Dan Allendar’s book, “The Wounded Heart”. It is the most painful thing I have ever read…and the most helpful.

I have a feeling I’m going to be coming back to this soon, hence the part 1 title.